"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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