found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
