I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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