they need to just BURY HIM!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
