i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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