Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize