ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
