I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
