Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
