my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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