Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
