I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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