Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
