Dude my mom stole all your condoms
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
