I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
