Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
