A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
