i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
