Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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