just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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