i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
