you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
