it was like his penis was on wheels.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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