I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
