Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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