Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
