I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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