some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
