it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
