Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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