I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
