He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
