you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
