her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
