Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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