Just cropdusted the office
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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