Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
