I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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