Having a random hookup so left but love u
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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