So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
