I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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