How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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