I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
