Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
