Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
