My room smells like vodka and shame
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
