This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
