I think my vagina is haunted
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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