the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
