he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
