pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You can't special order awesome
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
