I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize