Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
