somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
