My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
