He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
