one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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