the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
