I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
