Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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