we have officially lost it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
