What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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