he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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