Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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